Being Uncomfortable is Necessary

I’ve been thinking a lot about something that a lot of guys like me don’t like to think about.  We like to think that we’re good guys, that we do the right things, that we support the right people and that we are helping our communities.  We’re often right – we are all of those things. We stand up for what is right.  We support those who need our help.  We give to charity, or help out with our time. We’re doing the best we can, right?  So why do we need to think about that thing that the “crazy feminists” and #BlackLivesMatter advocates want to force us into considering, that wacky thing they call “privilege”?

Until just a few years ago, I hadn’t really given it much thought.  I mean, intellectually I knew that I had won the genetic/citizenship/orientation/education lottery.  I’m an able bodied, cis-gendered, straight, educated white male.  If people were choosing the characteristics that would make their lives easier, they couldn’t have chosen a better combination.  And I got it all just by being me. I’m one lucky son of a bitch.

Then along comes rapist Brock Turner.  Convicted of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster in an alley.  And he gets a sentence of six months in a county jail because, in the words of the judge, prison might have “a severe impact on him.” The media outcry in response to this has been astronomical and heartwarming.  People are coming out of the woodwork to protest that this slap on the wrist is not appropriate, and that it underlines the white mans’ privilege that so deeply underscores our mindset.  I was upset too, until I did some digging today at the suggestion of my partner.  And then I lost my mind.  See, I was just upset because this seemed to be yet another example of sexual assault against women not being taken seriously enough by the judicial systems that are supposed to protect us all equally.  But it is even worse than that. 

Let me introduce you to Brian Banks. At only 16 he was accused of rape, and ultimately convicted and sentenced to five years in prison.  And he didn’t do it.  But he was black.

Then there is Corey Batey. Unlike Mr. Banks, Batey did do it.  He was accused, convicted and sentenced.  Just like Turner.  And just like Turner Batey was a star athlete at a major US university and his victim was intoxicated to the point of unconsciousness.  Unlike Turner, Batey was sentenced to 15-25 years in prison.  Same crime, same circumstances.  Turner is white.  Batey is black.

Let’s not even get into how long you can get away with being a serial rapist if you are a police officer and you chose poor black women as your targets. Sure, when you finally get caught you go to prison for life, but how long did it take for someone to come forward?  Why were these poor black women afraid to seek help?

The answer is in the question.  

Social Justice Warrior

So the other day, whilst engaged in that most cerebral of pursuits (playing a mobile game on my iPad) I was drawn into an online discussion in the game’s “chat” room.  One of the members had noted that “Its nice to sea so many femail characters in the game.” [sic] That comment was followed by several more, all impeccably worded and clearly well thought out, suggesting that there was no place in comics for women, that no women read comics or played video games, and that certain comic companies’ decisions to “feminize” characters was just part of the larger feminist agenda.

I carefully considered this viewpoint and pondered the possibility that “a girls only place in comics was cosplaying to show her ####!!!” [sic] as one poster noted.  I inferred from the context of post that the chat filter had replaced “mind” for some odd reason, and decided, in a fit of madness, to join the conversation in support of this point.

“While it is refreshing that the comic and gaming studios are including more female characters, there is still a long way to go until we see gender equality in video games and comics in general.”  I wrote.  Then followed it up with “It is especially odd that they (the entertainment companies) haven’t caught on to the fact that a rising percentage (maybe as high as 50%) of gamers and geeks in general are women, with money to spend.”

A commenter, with a charming moniker suggesting a practice uncomfortable at the best of times and unlawful in twenty eight countries, replied “Great.  Just what we needed - a ####### SJW.”

I tried to sort through the words the chat filter could have had an issue with.  I ruled out “awesome” and “amazing” based on the poster’s grammar.  “Wonderful” was too long and both “dashing” and “sensual” implied a level of familiarity I didn’t think they had with me.  I gave up trying to determine what the adjective could have been and decided to just focus on their overall message, that they were happy to have a Social Justice Warrior present.  So I answered in the only way that Thumper’s father would approve of.  I said “Thanks!”

All kidding aside, I will never understand why detractors seem to feel that labelling someone as a SJW is in any way negative.  No one has ever called me a warrior before, outside of a D&D game anyway.  The idea that I could be a warrior, a champion or a gladiator for anything, let alone something as commendable as equality and fairness for all, fills me with pride.  I see myself standing on a grassy hilltop, surrounded by adoring citizens of all races/colours/genders/sexualities/species/beliefs/etc., waving a rainbow flag in one hand and holding balanced scales of justice in the other, the sun setting behind me over a field of flowers.  I want to get that as a poster for my office wall.  Maybe with my face on Matthew McConaughey’s body.  Because, you know, reasons.

I know that as a cis-gendered, white male I will never truly understand my level of privilege.  I also understand that, based on my decade and a half working in the field of Human Rights, I will never know what it is truly like to be in the shoes of ‘the minority.’  Neither of those however preclude me, or anyone else, from supporting those who need my support.  Nor will they ever.

Freedom to not Speak?

2. Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms:

     (a) freedom of conscience and religion;
     (b) freedom of thought, belief, opinion and expression, including freedom of the press and other media of communication;
     (c) freedom of peaceful assembly; and
     (d) freedom of association.

I want to be clear about one thing – I am a huge proponent of freedom of speech.  Not just because it is enshrined in our Charter (you can see section 2 of that above) but because of what I perceive as the necessity of such a freedom.  When a government limits what people can say and when they can say it, they are suppressing change.  Governments generally fear change and try to take steps to limit it at the best of times, and no method of suppression is more effective than taking away citizens' ability to communicate.  So all people need this basic and fundamental right.

I love to quote Evelyn Beatrice Hall , when she wrote “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it” in her work on Voltaire, himself a victim of censorship.  I think that sums it up far better than I ever could. The very basis of the freedom of speech ideal is that I have the right to say things that others disagree with, just as they have the same right toward me.

So when my fantastic wife and I were driving down a main street on our way to work earlier this week and saw a group of anti-abortion protesters lining the road with their pictures of dead fetuses, I accepted their right to do this.  It was appalling, disgusting and completely inappropriate.  The pictures probably gave little children (far too young to understand what the posters stood for) nightmares – hell they probably gave some of the drivers the same!  But I believed then, and still do, that they had a right to do what they were doing.

Wait for it… here it comes… BUT.  But just because you have a constitutionally protected right to do something does not mean that you should do that thing.  Raising awareness of your view can be accomplished in a fashion that does not disgust and alarm the rest of us.  Sure a bit of shock value can be a big eye opener.  Possibly being shocking will get you more air time, and get you more notice.  Maybe you will start an intelligent dialogue on the subject when people start talking about you. That’s a lot of maybes.  One too many for me.

The way to have a rational discourse is to have a rationale discourse.  The way to get attention to your cause is to show the benefits of your cause. Showing disgusting images to people on their way to work does none of that. I can’t imagine any person, driving in to work on that morning and seeing that display said to themselves, “Golly, I never thought about the blood and the bodies before. I may have been pro-choice or on-the-fence on this issue now, but by gosh now I am against it.”

I have to commend the great folks from yourchoicehalifax.com who arranged what can loosely be called a counter-rally.  They did not try to stop the pro-life/anti-choice/terrible-picture-holders from having their say.  They didn’t even go out in support of choice.  They went out with placards covered in hearts and support with the message that people should not be intimidated or made to feel ashamed by bullies.  Their message of acceptance, respect and tolerance was a breath of fresh air in this ongoing debate.

FULL DISCLOSURE:  I am personally against abortion.  I don’t think that I would ever even consider an abortion should I become pregnant.  Of course, I am biologically male, so the likelihood that I would ever be in a position to consider having one is very small indeed.  The likelihood that I even have the most rudimentary understanding of what it is like to be pregnant, or how hard the associated choices are, is as small.  Additionally, as a believer in the rule of law and something of a legal aficionado, I understand that abortion is legal in Canada, and our highest court made that decision almost thirty years ago. These factors, and my ultimately libertarian feminist views on things, make me firmly pro-choice.  I don’t think that reproductive rights are issues that the state, or anyone, should impose upon an individual – their body, their choice, plain and simple.